Personality Disorders

» Steve_B98 - Narc

I'm making an appointment for therapy and am worrying a lot about being narcissistic.
I've been thinking there was something wrong with me for a long time and narcissism seems to fit me the most.
When people talk to me I have a very hard time trying to figure out what to say next. My mind almost goes blank and I find I argue with myself over what to say. Sometimes I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and then wonder why I said it.
I feel like I have no real connection to whoever I really am and instead try to copy people who I admire or who other people admire. It sometimes goes as far as reacting the same way they do to the same things and copying what they say and how they treat people.
When I read these articles that described my personality so well I had this terrible feeling in my stomach, kinda a mix between revulsion and shock.
My dad is narcissistic, my mom is alcoholic and my brother is narcissistic so I feel almost assured that I am narcissistic yet I still cling to some hopeful doubt that I'm not.
I'm really asking, do I seem narcissistic? If theres anything I didn't clarify just ask and ill fill it in.

-- posted by Steve_B98

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» Steve_B98 - I forgot

I forgot to mention that i'm deathly afraid of criticism. Almost to the point where I wont do anything that could elicit it.

-- posted by Steve_B98

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» morganz - Narc

In response to Narc posted by Steve_B98:

Hello Steve,
I'm no expert, but psychiatric labels are based on such subjective criteria. You really have to be careful not to internalize labels. It sounds like you just need a stronger sense of self. I believe you've already started to find yourself by writing down what's going on inside you.

Don't know if any of this will help, but I grew up with narcissists too, and I kind of relate to what you're saying. It's hard when you've been exploited, lied to and blamed all your life by the people you need most. Wishing you all best.

-- posted by morganz

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» justwokeup - I forgot

In response to I forgot posted by Steve_B98:

Hi Steve.

I agree with Morgan.

Also, you are concerned that you might be an N ... which, from what I understand, cancels it out. You care. You don't think that you're right and the world is all wrong.

Perhaps you are emulating N's because that is what you had for a role model and the feelings you have always had, that something was wrong, is that something is, indeed, wrong ... you don't know how to be you. But you want to be you! That is quite promising.

I wish you luck.

-- posted by justwokeup

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