Personality Disorders

» johnc1 - Is my mother-in-law a Narcissist ?

My mother-in-law is 85 and exhibits some odd behavior. Words that would best describe her would be: controlling, manipulative, pompous, arrogant, demanding, deceptive, and self-centered. She has an opinion on everything, whether you want to hear it or not. Her idea of conversation begins with "I think, You should, or, Why don't you".In growing up, my wife who is adopted said her mother never liked any of her friends. She looked down on them. As a result my wife rarely had any friends over to visit. My MIL, made all the decisions even down to what bowling shirt my FIL could wear.
When she comes to visit, she inspects all of the rooms, looking for who knows what. She has a thing for locked doors, to the extent that she would wait for one of us to go out to get mail, newspaper,etc. and then lock the door and run and hide in the bathroom. She would then wait until I or one of the kids unlocked the door before she would come out. But, she never admitted to locking the doors.
She also told us that she was a very lucky person who could say or do anything she wanted without worrying about reprecussions because of her age.
At our daughters large wedding she tried to rip the sleeve off my Tux because she didn't like the way the wedding was organized. This was viewed by our many guests and family, with the exception of my wife who was not in the room at the time. My MIL claims it never happened.
Our kids who are now grown don't want contact with her and yet my MIL wants to know why she can't come and visit us. My wife has NEVER spoken up to her until recently.
Any idea what's wrong with her ? She's been this way for years. Any thoughts ?

-- posted by johnc1

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion

» curious296 - Is my mother-in-law a Narcissist ?

In response to Is my mother-in-law a Narcissist ? posted by johnc1:

Hmmmmmmmmm. This is a tough one. I dont really think she might be narcissistic. After reading your posts it seems like she is taking advantage of her old age more so than it being narcissism. But then again, you said she's always been like this. Do you think she might be jealous of your wife and of others? I know that may sound a little silly to you but I know a lot of people's parents that act like that with their kids because their kids are living the life they wish they had lived. Also, usually when people are extremely arrogant they are insecure. Isnt that ironic??!! You probably already know this but if a person is confident with themselves then they wouldnt feel the need to control everything or look down on others. Does your MIL do a lot of blaming? Does she have any friends?

-- posted by curious296

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion

» johnc1 - Is my mother-in-law a Narcissist ?

In response to Is my mother-in-law a Narcissist ? posted by curious296:

Curious,
She doesn't do alot of blaming. Although she is big on lieing and deception. She always said she would decide what her husband needed to know and not know. And that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He was very submissive to her domineering behavior. She has told her daughters to do the same thing to their husbands. Her friends are mostly dead or in a home. She is a very independent person with almost a compulsive need to take things over, as in your household, children, when you should eat, how many meals a day, how many kids you should have, etc. I do sense that she is (bitter) in the twilight of life and that if she hadn't gotten married and had childen, she feels she could have been a great business person. Although she has no education or skills. I say this based on her pushing my wife to get out of the house and get a job. My wife is almost 60. She constantly tells my wife that my wife should tell me what to do. When my wife told MIL how much she enjoyed being a grandmother, the MIL's comment was: "Ya, you would". Implying it was a waste. The MIL is kind of emotionally detached to her kids and grandchildren. She lacks warmth, nurturing, she's almost clinical.
When my FIL died, the next day she discarded all of his belongings, clothes, tools, pictures, jewelery, etc. You could never accuse her of being sentimental. I've struggled with trying to understand her and have never said an unkind word to her out of respect for my wife. My wife has shared some of these observations with her mother, as a reason for why she isn't welcome to come visit. The MIL contends she doewn't understand why she isn't welcome, as she believes she is a great person, conversationalist, grandmother, mother, etc.
Thanks for your thoughts.
John

-- posted by johnc1

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion