Personality Disorders

» mkinoly - feeling down today

So, I've been doing pretty well accepting that my N partner and I are splitting up. The last fight we had like 3 or 4 weeks ago is what led to this conclusion (on my part--there just HAS to be a last straw, some line that can't be crossed), and today I was finalizing some stuff and it just made me really sad.

As background, she and I owned a business together. It was a 50/50 partnership, but as you can imagine, she never treated me like an equal partner. I did 80% of the work, and aside from working my normal 40 hr a week job I spent about 10 hrs a week working on our business. I didn't mind too much--it was kind of fun, and I needed the money. We had this business for about a year and a half, and I only once missed my shift at the store front.

The business required me to work at the store front on Saturdays from 2-6 pm. I have joint custody of my daughter, and normally she is with my ex on Saturdays, so this works out pretty good. But, since most of you are parents you know that schedules don't always work out perfectly. Sometimes things come up with the kid and you either need to or want to participate.

So early November I told my N that I wanted to take 2 Saturdays in December to take my kid to these special events coming up. 2 Saturdays after 1 1/2 years of working. Well, she flipped. She yelled at me about how irresponsible I was and how I have to be there and started criticizing my ex and saying all kinds of mean things about me and how hurt she was I didn't ask permission first. I begged her to be flexible, that it's just 2 Saturdays, there's a chance I could be get back before the end of the shift, I'd find someone to cover for me, etc. but no. No reasoning with an N. No empathy or understanding from an N. It was all or nothing, basically. Either be there every Saturday, or... well, just be there.

So I quit the business. Of course this was not the first time she had mistreated me in the business, but it was the last time. I was not going to miss out on my daughter's childhood occasional special events because she was a controlling tyrant.

So, I say all that to lead into that today I went down to our (well, hers now) storefront to say goodbye to the clerk. She and I had chatted frequently and I felt weird just not showing up ever again, not saying goodbye after 1 1/2 yrs. So I wrote her a little thank you note and brought it to her.

Against my wishes, I got all emotional instantly and felt this intense sadness and loss. That business was "my baby"... I put alot into it, and it was a nice ego feed, ya know, people liked me and it was successful and I was really proud of myself, plus I earned extra money I needed. And to know I probably would never set foot in there again and WHY... it was just sooooo sad to me. I cried all the way home in my car. I was mad at my N for driving me away, mad at myself for letting her get the best of me, mad at myself for second guessing my decision, mad for letting her suck me in to build up this business only for her to get all the credit in the end (feeling used), just a great sense of loss.

So here I sit, drinking cosmos, feeling bad and wondering how I'm going to earn that extra money that I really do need. Think I'll go take a nap.

Thanks for listening, friends.

-- posted by mkinoly

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» joolz - feeling down today

In response to feeling down today posted by mkinoly:

Hi Mkinoly

Sorry to hear you're feeling down.

The one thing that struck me in your mail was this. You are a 50/50 partner (are you still or have you officially resigned), if you still are, there is no reason why you should walk away from it if you enjoy it so much just because you split with her.

I don't know your circumstances but I do know a little about business, I was very actively involved with a business with my ex but i didnt have a share in it. I do know that you can exercise your will in the business and have an obligation to the success of it if you are a director/shareholder, etc. I see too much of this bullying going on and it annoys me, why should you give up something you worked for, you're obviously much more valuable to the success of it. Of course, I understand that in some cases, the trouble associated makes you feel like its more trouble than it is worth (with the N I mean) but I would like to see someone stand up and be counted and take the power away from them for a change.

At the end of the day, if this is not at all possible, what is stopping you from doing something of your own, you already proved how good you are? Take stock, have a good think about the best way forward, maybe you could do something in the same line but away from those actual premises and take all the goodwill "you" built with the customers to your own business. Don't let this person take everything from you, you're still the same person, with the same great skills you always had, don't give up, thats depression and its very destructive to us.

Best wishes and keep us posted.

Joolz

-- posted by joolz

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