Personality Disorders

» sotired46 - Ever tell partners that they were N?

Curious,
My N had a really creeping way of staring at me until I returned the look. He used to do it every time we spent time together. After I had done some reading I discovered that it was a classic control technique used by Ns to intimidate their victims. When I brought it to his attention as an N behavior (after a particularly long stare) he just shurgged it off and said "I just like to see a person's eyes when I spend time with them. It's important to me." He was casual with the comment, but then sometime later that evening got defense with me over something very minor. The stares used to make me really uncomfortable--like a piece of meat. Of course, now I know that was exactly what I was to him--prey--to be devoured. The stares were always part of the seduction phase of the cycle. After which came, devaluation, and then discarding. Over and over again. I was just in such denial about it all.

The last time I interacted with him he reinforced all the makings of the cycle. Overt sexual content to seduce. When I wouldn't bite and exposed some obvious lies and holes in his current story, he just reverted to reminding me that he would never be available to me the way I wanted and that he really didn't want to expend any energy on someone who called him a liar. Also that I was never all that accessable to him. Telling me that oh, he'd love to have something very casual with me and sometimes the formality of it all messed him up. You see, all of this just project the blame back to me. "Love to have something very casual with me"?? Translation--"I'd love to have you there whenever it is convenient to me and I have nothing better going on"!!!! What a self-centered creep. You bet! Anytime they are faced with the wants or needs of others they cannot relate,nor do they want to do so. Unless you are pretending to swallow their BS they have no use for you.

Each time I interact with him I see it more and more. Each time I interact with him he is less interested in me--I'm way to honest and real--he can't have that in his life. It would destroy the illusion of his fantasy world.

Oh, I'm rambling now, but I really need to do so. Thanks for listening everyone. Happy evening to all of you.

-- posted by sotired46