Personality Disorders

» redback - Fathers

Who knows what's happened to you in the 24(?) years since your dad left your mum...and what's triggering it all now. And how your mum fitted into it all. Maybe its this thing called 'transference' where its "safer" to "blame" your dad than what's hapening currently within your life and marriage. There are 10,000 ways to speculate all the 'What Ifs' without great benefit if you're trying to do it alone. So, maybe its good to keep up with the counselling and any related 'exercises' until some of the stuff gets clearer. After all this time its very unlikely to be so black & white.

My experiences are probably totally different. But I ended up in a boys' home and a sister was adopted out and another sister's planned adoption fell through. Abandonment at different levels.

My biological father was irresponsible and gutless to say the very least. That's a very hard lesson to learn ie that our parents are flawed and we have to make it despite their failings. I never gave my father the power to be responsible for how I live my adult life.

The following is corny but its a worthy mantra:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Best wishes.

-- posted by redback