Personality Disorders

» janette79 - Fathers

I am 27 years old and my father left when I was 3 years old. To this day I am struggling everyday trying to figure out why I feel this way...I feel alone, left out, "black-sheep", inpatient, etc. I know I am not alone in this however I am confused all the time on how to deal with my current relationship (of 12 years) I think I know myself, but most of the time I don't.

-- posted by janette79

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» curious296 - Fathers

In response to Fathers posted by janette79:

well you obviously know that your father leaving had a big impact, it just seems that you just cant piece it all together right? have you been to counseling? what exactly is going on in your current relationship or what is it that makes you feel like you dont know yourself?

-- posted by curious296

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» janette79 - Fathers

In response to Fathers posted by curious296:

thanks for responding...I have been to couseling a few times...but i am still weak about it..I had even confronted him years ago...I just scared him off..now I barely hear from him..I think Im scared of my husband leaving..due to my fears..He tells me is not my dad...which I know he's right..I just cant seem to let it go..and i hate this feeling of abandonment..thats were I get confused as to how I am suppose to deal with this...I get intense feelings of sadness, which is effecting my proper train of thought, when it comes to my relationship. For example, I have trust issues. I know I have to deal with this to give my myself and family 100%.

-- posted by janette79

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» ghulkman - Fathers

In response to Fathers posted by janette79:

Hey "J79"

Welcome to this site ...... I think you'll get some loving help and suggestions from the good people posting her.

Visit an EXPERT Psychologist speacializing in BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Be HONEST with Him/Her when you go to
the sessions.

My EX-wife is BPD ...... she is a MESS.

I believe you stated that you are 27 years old ...... perfect time to start getting the help you need to lead the kind of loving, fullfilling life you (and everyone else) here deserves.

Best Wishes .....

"Hulk"

-- posted by ghulkman

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» janette79 - Fathers

In response to Fathers posted by ghulkman:

Hey thanks for the encouragement...however I know its not Bipolar due to my counseling from the past...I am just stuck in a hard place...I am able to function well in all other areas of my life...its just this situation that I am needing to overcome..that is what I am having trouble with...I need to find a common ground with myself..where do you begin?..

-- posted by janette79

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» redback - Fathers

In response to Fathers posted by janette79:

Who knows what's happened to you in the 24(?) years since your dad left your mum...and what's triggering it all now. And how your mum fitted into it all. Maybe its this thing called 'transference' where its "safer" to "blame" your dad than what's hapening currently within your life and marriage. There are 10,000 ways to speculate all the 'What Ifs' without great benefit if you're trying to do it alone. So, maybe its good to keep up with the counselling and any related 'exercises' until some of the stuff gets clearer. After all this time its very unlikely to be so black & white.

My experiences are probably totally different. But I ended up in a boys' home and a sister was adopted out and another sister's planned adoption fell through. Abandonment at different levels.

My biological father was irresponsible and gutless to say the very least. That's a very hard lesson to learn ie that our parents are flawed and we have to make it despite their failings. I never gave my father the power to be responsible for how I live my adult life.

The following is corny but its a worthy mantra:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Best wishes.

-- posted by redback

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» ghulkman - Fathers

In response to Fathers posted by janette79:

Hey "J-79" ......

Do NOT confuse Bipolar Disorder with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) ...... they are COMPLETELY different.

You actually can be sitting with your Father and still FEEL totally abandoned ...... even though he is right there with you.

BPD is a disorder of Emotional Dysregualtion. Some even refer to it as Emotional Personality Disorder.

Persons (75-80% are female) with BPD "appear" to be fine and actually function in other areas of life at a high level.

Persons with BPD are VERY impulsive & usually have problems
with relationships, eating disorders, overspending, reckless driving, shoplifting, careless,indescriminate sex ..... but not necessarily ALL that I've mentioned.

Bipolar is the old "Manic Depression" ......

Very commom to be Bipolar & BPD ...... especially among women.

Best Of Luck .....

"Hulk"

-- posted by ghulkman

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» patccee - Abandonment

My mother died before i was two years old and my father was an alcholic and there was not very much love around. My issues are that in relationships with men,I am divorced after 14 years. I meet a new guy and I stay even thou the relationship is not good or healthy.I don't get my needs met but I stay. I take what I can get and wait for the other shoe to fall.I want so much more so after each failed attempt. I go for years in between relationships. The relationships are short lived. I am at the age of 46 and fear that I will be grow old alone.

-- posted by patccee

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