Personality Disorders

» justwokeup - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by SATANSX:

Please don't be ashamed, Satan's ex ... I think it's a huge sign that you're healing, getting healthy, because you can separate what was good (and kept you there) from what was bad (and made you run). Part of the reason people are held in bondage to these relationships is because all the good and bad are so intertwined, that they're confused ... caught ... like a deer in the headlights. Enjoy the good memories. Tell yourself that you stayed for what was fun but once you knew what was wrong, you had the power to leave. There's great strength in that. It's not something to be 'proud' of, but something to be thankful for. You're going to release the anger after it gets all played out but you'll take the lessons with you, and you'll give yourself extra time and patience for another relationship, with a 'nice guy, not the walking dead'.

More power to you ... to all of us.

just woke up

-- posted by justwokeup

» sotired46 - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by justwokeup:

I was thinking this morning that I'm thankful that intrinsically I couldn't accept his behavior. On the surface, I went into denial, played the game, pretended that I wasn't actually being lied to in such a transparent manner. But now, I want to remember that I'm strong enough deep down to run and STAY away. I have to focus on my part in all of it. How I let it happen, how I enabled the bahavior, how I sold myself short each time and then paid the price emotionally. How the lovely times were so few and far between and the abandoment and cruelty were really the larger part of the experience. I didn't live with him(thankfully) so the distance was always very clear, but emotionally I always felt close to him--go figure! I really do have some work to do. Thanks to all of you again. I find the saddness and depression coming in a little less today, so I'll take that as a sign to keep walking the path away from him. Have a great day eveyone. You keep me strong and I really appreciate it!

When those feelings of longing come up I forget my core fortitude and have to work on that.

-- posted by sotired46

» curious296 - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by nobodygirl:

hey guys,

i was off the blogs for a while because I WAS doing fine. Today I am angry at myself again for allowing him to make me feel this way. In the process me being an emotional wreck from dealing with his crazy bullsh** I have neglected EVERYTHING that was imporant to me. My grades have slipped dramatically and i am supposed to graduate in May, but now im not sure, it could be postponed until August (not a major deal, but I am usually very on top of my school work. How could I let him make me forget about whats most important!!?? Anyway, Nobodygirl, your post struck a chord with me. I asked my N that same question (how come other girls are better that me) and he gave me the same answer---because I am "unstable". And of course, like you I gave the same response--YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!

I have really been reading any information I can to better understand NPD. What I am somewhat learning through prayer is that no matter how many lies that he tells, YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. WE ALL KNOW THE TRUTH. I dont mean to get all biblical on y'all but there is a good bible verse on truth that i have to constantly repeat to myself ALL DAY. My N's whole thing was that "if you would only learn how to stop living in the past than we could move forward"--a bunch of bull and extremely manipulative. I am really trying hard not to take everything he did personally because I know he is a sick person, but its still hard. All his friends think im the crazy one. When we would get in fights on the phone when he was in front of his friends, he would say things like "nothing I do ever pleases you" and "do you want me to accompany you to your counseling sessions so we can sort out the problems"--how can they be stupid enough to believe everything he says!!!!!! Im so scared he will spread rumors about me like he did the others--once he told everyone that this girl had AIDS. Then he even made his ex-girlfriend so crazy that she ended up going back to her home in ECUADOR!!!! There is no end to these stories, but since he is God on this damn campus than everyone believes he is perfect except for me and the other girls that know him intimately.

-- posted by curious296

» sotired46 - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by curious296:

Curious,
I'm sorry for your pain. I can relate. My N has a blog that just drives me crazy to read(I have not visited he nor his blog in two weeks). Everyone involved in the blog, of course, thinks he is just the best thing since sliced bread. What a joke! I drives me crazy to think there are people out there who have such a different view of my N than I do. What is it? Can't they see? Do the Ns just relagate the mind numbing pain to a chosen few, or do they inflict it on everyone eventually? Why am I not good enough to receive good behavior from him?

I know we are not crazy, I know we have been played, but boy does it feel some days as though they give everyone else the best and we get the worst. I really want these feelings to end. I want to stop thinking about him. I want to stay away, but it is hard. I loved what you said about the truth. I have always lived an honest life, not matter what was going on. I worked hard, made a nice home for myself and my daughter, and never let anyone get in my way of keeping myself and she safe, warm and dry. Not even my ex-husband. Why then after all this time can such a dishonest person get under my skin in this way? It really has thrown me for a loop. Please try to stay strong for me and I will do the same for you. Have a great evening!

-- posted by sotired46

» justwokeup - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by sotired46:

remember ladies ... N's have the most devastating effects on those they have been sexually intimate with ...

that's a big part of the reason that everyone else only sees the false self

-- posted by justwokeup

» SATANSX - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by justwokeup:

I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR ON THAT POINT. MINE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE "I HATE LOOSING CONTROL". I THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS ALL THE FUN OF SEX. LOOSING CONTROL AND ENJOYING IT. NOW I KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO FACE THAT SIDE OF HIMSELF. AFTER ALL, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN A COMMON MAN JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE IF HE DID.THEY CAN'T STAND THAT THOUGHT. THEY ARE ABOVE ALL OF US. HE JUST GOT TOO CLOSE TO ME AND HAD TO BAIL OUT. HE CREATED HIS PERFACT WOMAN AND THEN PROCEEDED TO DESTROY HER. WHAT A WASTE AND WHAT A SICKNESS. HIS OBJECT,(ME), WAS GETTING TOO CLOSE AND HE NEEDED TO CREATE ITS ABANDONMENT. WHAT A SAD, SAD MAN. NO ONE SEES THEM UNLESS THEY GET AS CLOSE TO THEM AS WE DO. THEY ONLY SEE WHAT HE WANTS THEM TO SEE; THE FACADE. AND WHEN YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN TO THEM WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH, THEY LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOU HAVE 3 HEADS. THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE WOULD HAVE STAYED WITH THEM IF THEY WERE SO TERRIBLE. THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MANIPULATIVE THESE MEN ARE. THAT'S WHY ITS NICE TO TALK HERE. WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH IT, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME HOW ALIKE EVERYONES CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HERE.

-- posted by SATANSX

» BerryVery - How to Approach/Confront a BPD/NPD?

I have recently discovered (through finding this site) that my ex-boyfriend (we have recently broken up) may have either BPD or NPD - We are working on a "friendship" (his request), but I can't handle being around him... I begin to feel my lowest, my self-esteem and confidence drops, I am uncomfortable, etc. - and so much more aware of it now, after reading the many posts and articles on the site! Our "friendship" is only based on his need for my attentions, which he doesn't truly care about.

Not only is my mind reeling - wondering how I could have been so duped - I am hurting and confused and feel that so much of his attitude and negativity have affected my personality and well-being - as so many of you have described - but I'm curious how to approach him about this? Do I cut off all contact? (SOOOOO difficult!) Via text, we were supposed to meet for dinner tonight and I told him he only made me frustrated, sad, and confused. I told him I couldn't see him and he became furious and defensive, which hurts me... as I am a very empathetic person (he knows this). I think he is throwing me a guilt trip (on and on about how bad he feels, complete disregard for my emotions). If I continue to refuse to see him or speak to him, will the situation only worsen? Or will he get a clue that he has pushed me away too far once and for all?

What should my next step be in this situation? Is it best to cut off all contact? Should I forward him the links to this (and other) websites discussing this disorder? How can people with BPD get a clue and help themselves?

I care about him and wish the best for him, though I know if I continue to contact him or see him I will go completely insane!!!

However, I can't imagine that his friends and other people in his life wouldn't realize this...
Should I tell his friends/mom? Should someone in his life suggest therapy, or will most BPD's/NPD's put up a defensive wall when confronted?

How should one approach someone they care about that may have BPD? How will the person know to get help, if they have no idea that that is what they are in the first place?

I don't want him to hurt me anymore, but I know if I keep refusing contact, he will only become angrier and angrier, more defensive and distant. I have never been one to like confict (he also knows this) - and I don't know how to cut off contact without hurting him further (if he feels any true hurt/loss at all) or hurting myself more.

Anyone have any advice?

-- posted by BerryVery

» joolz - Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ?

In response to Right or Wrong Next Steps To Take ? posted by nobodygirl:

Hi there and welcome.

From reading your post I would say that he is guilt tripping you, at least if that is how it feels, I'm sure that is exactly what it is! I did the same thing time and time again. Felt bad that I wanted to cut the ties because I basically wanted to run a million miles from him. When you stick around it gives them a chance to manipulate you all over again until in the end you feel like you were wrong about them, maybe its you, etc. Don't do it. If you feel the need to run its because you do.

I don't know what condition he has, there's no way of knowing just based on what you said, more detail required. I think that the only thing you need worry about is you. You could try to explain when you break all ties with him that you think he has a problem he should get checked out but I wouldnt count on him listening or believing. BPDs tend to be more receptive (sometimes) to help. NPDs refuse to believe there is anything wrong with them.

In all honesty, even if he admitted to needing help and sought it out, there is no saying he will get better and you can't wait and hope that he will change for you.

Do yourself a favour and concentrate on repairing your own fragile emotions. If you've experienced anything like the rest of us, you'll need some time to start feeling anywhere near normal again. Don't panic, just take things one day at a time, cry, shout, sleep, whatever you feel and wait for the calm to arrive.

Good luck

Joolz

-- posted by joolz

» SATANSX - How to Approach/Confront a BPD/NPD?

In response to How to Approach/Confront a BPD/NPD? posted by BerryVery:

Why would you want to be around someone who is going to "drive you insane"? Why would you want to even be a friend to someone who makes you feel so bad about yourself? Put it this way, we're kind of like disposable lighters to them. When they are just about out of fuel, we throw them in the bottom of our handbags, just in case they have one or two lights left for an emergency. We revert back to them until we can buy a new one. That's how he feels about you as a "friend". As long as you show just a bit of attention to him he will use you, but be ever so ready to be replaced.You are nothing but disposable to him. As a lighter out of fuel stops working, you should "stop working". Absolutly no contact! Don't answer his phone calls. No e-mail. No nothing. When he finially knows that you have no intention of playing into his mind games, he will give up and toss you away with every other woman that he has done this with. And no , all of this won't be easy. I'm 5 months into this process and still having nightmares. The longer you have direct contact with him, the longer the process of healing will take. He got into my mind, soul and body. They leave us an emotional mess as they go on with their facade of a life without a thought or care about us. Face the truth and face it now! Look up the word "narcissist" in the internet, read, educate yourself. Remember, what you see is what you get. There is no changing them. Good luck on your recovery and remember, you can do it.

-- posted by SATANSX

» justwokeup - How to Approach/Confront a BPD/NPD?

In response to How to Approach/Confront a BPD/NPD? posted by SATANSX:

Wow, Satan's Ex ... what an analogy, with the disposable lighter. It gave me chills ... it was right on point.

just woke up

-- posted by justwokeup