Personality Disorders

» justwokeup - HELP! How did I pick another Narcissist??

In response to HELP! How did I pick another Narcissist?? posted by redback:

Hi red,

I had to smile when you said that you like to think that we are greater than the sum of our parts; I just said that to someone yesterday. Until this year, I was so pathetically empathetic, I could not even watch a tv show like 'I Love Lucy' because I feel the embarrassment of the characters! I rarely watch tv, but when I do, anyone that knows me knows I keep leaving the room because I can't stand how she constantly makes a fool of herself. Yeah ... I was that bad. So, in addition to dismissing my own emotions, I was completely swamped by those of people around me or even something on tv. Now, just last night, my N was watching something that so intrigued me, that I had to step in and watch for ten minutes or so. It was a touching story where the lungs of a young suicide victim saved the life of an afflicted young adult, and he met the parents of the girl that died, etc. Tears came to my eyes and I had to control my breathing so I would not cry. That's the real me, and I was so relieved (when I thought about it later) because there were times this year that I seriously wondered if this 'detached' feeling was 'becoming numb' because I was so damaged by my N.

I still wrestle with it but I do believe that it's just the strangeness of it all. It's not that new, but compare it to the rest of my life, and it is.

Anyway, I just keep plodding along because, really, what else can I do? I can't just sit like a lump and contemplate my feelings all day. I have things to do. Besides, there are parts I really like. I like that my emotions don't get stuck in my anymore. I don't even think about it; they just don't! I like that my brain doesn't channel surf anymore; I am 'in the moment' without making an effort. Those aspects of overcoming my co-dependent traits are just a Godsend. I will adjust to this strange 'detached' feeling.

With the holidays coming up, I now have a slew of new things bubbling up, but I don't even know how to put it into words yet.

Thanks for the pointers re: the job. It's hard when the application is online and you're checking blocks or given limited space to compose a blurb. However, if I were to develop concise, info-packed blurbs for phone interviews, based on what you said, I could practice enough that they'd roll off my tongue smoothly during an interview. The job I do now is a perfect example of being autonomous, but I don't describe it that way. I'll update my resume' for those applications that allow it to be attached. I have all those years of volunteering examples to show my leadership and team player skills. Okay. Take a couple of steps to the side to see a different perspective. Thanks, red!

just woke up

-- posted by justwokeup