Borderline Personality
The Labile Pendulum
© Sam Vaknin
May 20, 2006
The main dynamic in the Borderline Personality Disorder is abandonment anxiety.
The fact that the Borderline personality disorder is often found among women makes it a controversial mental health diagnosis. Some scholars say that it is a culture-bound pseudo-syndrome invented by men to serve a patriarchal and misogynistic society. Others point to the fact the lives of patients diagnosed with the disorder are chaotic and that the relationships they form are stormy, short-lived, and unstable. Moreover, not unlike compensatory narcissists, people with the Borderline Personality Disorder often display labile (wildly fluctuating) sense of self-worth, self-image and affect (expressed emotions).
Like both narcissists and psychopaths, borderlines are impulsive and reckless. Like histrionics, their sexual conduct is promiscuous, driven, and unsafe. Many borderlines binge eat, gamble, drive, and shop carelessly, and are substance abusers. Lack of impulse control is joined with self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors, such as suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, gestures, or threats, and self-mutilation or self-injury.
The main dynamic in the Borderline Personality Disorder is abandonment anxiety. Like codependents, borderlines attempt to preempt or prevent abandonment (both real and imagined) by their nearest and dearest. They cling frantically and counterproductively to their partners, mates, spouses, friends, children, or even neighbors. This fierce attachment is coupled with idealization and then swift and merciless devaluation of the borderline's target.
Exactly like the narcissist, the borderline patient elicits constant narcissistic supply (attention, affirmation, adulation, approval) to regulate her gyrating sense of self-worth and her chaotic self-image, to shore up serious, marked, persistent, and ubiquitous deficits in self-esteem and Ego functions, and to counter the gnawing emptiness at her core.
The Borderline Personality Disorder is often co-diagnosed (is comorbid) with mood and affect disorders. But all borderlines suffer from mood reactivity.
From an entry I wrote for the Open Site Encyclopedia:
"(Borderlines) shift dizzyingly between dysphoria (sadness or depression) and euphoria, manic self-confidence and paralyzing anxiety, irritability and indifference. This is reminiscent of the mood swings of Bipolar Disorder patients. But Borderlines are much angrier and more violent. They usually get into physical fights, throw temper tantrums, and have frightening rage attacks.
When stressed, many Borderlines become psychotic, though only briefly (psychotic micro-episodes), or develop transient paranoid ideation and ideas of reference (the erroneous conviction that one is the focus of derision and malicious gossip). Dissociative symptoms are not uncommon ("losing" stretches of time, or objects, and forgetting events or facts with emotional content)."
Hence the term "borderline" (first coined by Otto F. Kernberg). The Borderline Personality Disorder is on the thin (border) line separating neurosis from psychosis.
In-depth information about various personality disorders here:
http://open-site.org/Health/Conditions_and_Diseases/Psychiatric_Disorders/Personality/
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faqpd.html
The copyright of the article
Borderline Personality in
Personality Disorders is owned by
Sam Vaknin. Permission to republish
Borderline Personality must be granted by the author in writing.
Comments
May 22, 2006 2:59 AM
christie girouard
:
Hello,
I am new to this site. I have been devouring information about Personality Disorders over the past 4 months. I am now able to recognize the "Narcissitic" behavior of my XNH. This has helped me in ways that I can not express. It will never be OK, but at least it makes some kind of sense to me. I no longer flatter myself into thinking that his "revenge" has anything to do with me. It really is all about him.
While I am actually learning empathy for my X, I am recovering from the knowledge that my 21 year old daughter is a high functioning Borderline. My family has been to hell and back over the past 5 years. My daughter has been accusing me of "abandoning" her since she turned 16. Her emotions became her reality making her perceptions of shared events outrageous. I am accused of saying and doing things that I never said or did. It is life on a knife's edge. I once told my daughter, "I feel like I have handed you a loaded gun, turn out all the lights, and let you shoot at me in the dark."
It was to the point that we all thought we were crazy. The manipulation and mind games became so great that I finally did ask her to leave. I abandoned her creating the self fulfilled prophecy. I sent her to live with her dad....the narcissist. Now, with the 2 of them having joined forces...the sickness and dysfunction is off the map.
I am in counseling, grieving the loss of the daughter I thought I had. My dreams and hopes for the future are new and different. Not necessarily bad...just realistic. Because narcissism and borderlines act like "teenagers", I had hoped it was a phase.
The sad thing is my daughter is majoring in psychology. She will be a senior in college, and we have had little to no contact in the past 2 years. She always comes back to, "Well, you threw me out." Her dad is right there to fan that flame.
I share my story as a mom dealing with personality disorder. I life that I can not divorce myself from. A journey that will remain ongoing.
Sincerely,
Christabel
May 22, 2006 3:52 PM
ghulkman
:
Christabel ..... Very sorry for what you are
going thru ....
Please go to the following discussion site
on BPD here @ Suite 101.com
http://www.suite101.com/discussion.cfm/borderline_personality/89385
This is a very good discussion on High_Functioning BPD's ..... Please join the conversation.
Jul 26, 2006 8:25 PM
joe mason
:
After a phone call from an unknown number from my ex talking about marriage and getting my number changed, and ignoring e-mails from my Ex Girlfriend the borderline for months, I finally responded, taking the advice of an associate.
The e-mail from her expressed what she usally says to me, that she has such a love/hate relationship for me and that she wants me in her life but she doesn't know exactly what she wants. The e-mail was pages long, an update of her life, as if I care and contained numerous contradictions. I replied, simply saying leave me alone, I don't want to be your friend. In response, I got hate mail and threats. These e-mails were the meanest and most cruel e-mails possible knocking everything about my personal to family life. Here we go again, one minute she loves me, and then she hates me.
She even claimed that she would ruin my senior year of college by spreading rumors about me and exposing my personal life. All because I told her to leave me alone lol. WOW. This is not high school, she is so childish acting like a teen. Another symptom of borderline personality. There is no reasoning with this maniac whatsoever. Soon, as usual, she will probably send me some e-mails claiming how much she loves me and that she's sorry.I should have taken Ghulkman's advice a while ago and got the restraining order. Now, I finally am :).
Jul 27, 2006 4:44 AM
L. P.
:
Now that you have made it clear that you want her to leave you alone, you also need to make sure you do not respond to her again. It is a scary thing to have a stalker but every time you make contact with them, either positive or negative, it gives them hope. It is best to ignore them after stating that you will not be contacting them again and then stick to it.
Jul 27, 2006 6:18 AM
ghulkman
:
Good Morning "CPA" ....
Sorry your situation has "Escalated" to this
"Low" point ..... but PLEASE (for legal reasons)
get the RETRAINING ORDER & "Cut-off" ALL & ANY
contact with her.
She more than likely is "Low Functioning BPD" ...
but possibly has other MENTAL DISORDERS (comorbid)
as well.
She is a "Psycho-Wacko" who you NEED to steer
VERY CLEAR of & stay TOTALLY away from.
Please GET IT DONE TODAY .... especially the
RESTRAING ORDER .... which will give you a LEGAL
LEG to stand on !!!!!
Good Luck & keep us posted.....
"Hulk"
Jul 28, 2006 3:11 PM
x
:
Hi everyone..
I'd like to thank everyone for posting their thoughts, especially the abuse victims of these disorders. It is incredibly helpful to read your stories. I am posting not as a victim of abuse, but as an abuser. I fit the criteria for BPD and/or NPD. I have only recently been able to see/admit this behaviour and the negative impact it has had. I want to change, but I am having tremendous difficulty. The habitual ways of thinking/reacting are so strong, I am unable to seperate the "good person" from those negative patterns. I have become quite suicidal as a result.
I spent a year in India studying and practicing Buddhist meditation and getting very deep into spirtual ideas and lifestyle trying to heal and find a cure for the anger, self-absorption and bitter blame that normally consumes my thinking. It worked for a while. I felt happy and at peace with myself and the world around me. I was optomistic and "high on life".
Upon returning suddenly to Western life, I crashed right back into my old lifestyle. In the 8 months since, I've collasped under massive depression. I've been unable to maintain the peace. Worse, I have become cynical of the "stupidity" of religious ideas again, turning against what gave me strength before. I have seen myself slip right back into my "old self", and all the anger, hate and bitterness has returned, stronger than ever.
I'm trying my best to develop alternative behavorial / self-concepts now, but I fear that the damage is too great. I don't know how to properly heal from what feels like a very very deeply ingrained personality, disordered or not. I feel deeply conflicted, on one hand knowing how I'd react in the past, and on the other, not being comfortable doing so anymore -- or worse -- being unable to stop myself and watching in silent self-hating horror as I act out again that way.
I seem to be (pardon the langauge) a "born asshole" -- egomanical, unconsciously manipulating, stubborn, difficult to interact with, inflexible and aggressive in my opinions and actions, and wrecklessly eccentric. I always have been! I've burned bridges, sabotaged my career almost willingly, and have alientated myself from everyone close to me. I hate myself, but seem unable to stop this cycle of abusing others or myself.
Much of this behaviour I can recognize now thanks to sites like this and months of meditative depression to think about it. But I owe so much of "who I am" to that behaviour that without it, I am
Jul 29, 2006 10:50 AM
ghulkman
:
Hello "NoHave" ...
It takes courage to admit you are MENTALLY ILL
and want HELP !!!!
Good for YOU .... you've come to the RIGHT place!!
Sam Vaknin, (PHD) is the originator of this site
and the author of the book entitled ...
"Malignant Self Love" ....
BUY IT & READ IT !!!!!!!
Also, read ALL of Sam's "Links" he gives you on
these various sites @ Suite101.com.
Please GET HELP & start becoming HEALTHY (mentally) for the first time in your life....
"Hulk"
Jul 29, 2006 9:01 PM
Katy Guydos
:
I am at my last resort. I have and admit to having Borderline Personality Disorder. I have extremely strong symptoms that control my life. I am at wits end and don't know what to do. Knowing I have it doesn't fix it and the doctor's in North Idaho don't seem to know much. Medicine only seems to help briefly. I am wondering if anyone knows of any sort of in-patient care that would help. I fear nothing else will help and I just want to be normal. I've read about treatments that seem to help but apparently not in my neck of the woods. I have lost everything. My kids, my best friend of nine years and the love of my life-after he became my boyfriend (then things changed), my home (because he kicked me out, etc.....
I don't want to lose what's left of my will to live.
I hate to and am embarrassed to say these things publicly but as I said- I think I'm at my wits end.
I am a smart, funny caring person when I can maintain 'normal' for lack of better wording. And all I want is to be that person all the time without being the 'crazy' one too, that nobody can stand to love or be around.
I haven't spoken to my mother since I was 16 and always blamed her for it and accused her of abandoning me. Now I've chased off someone I love very much with the same accusations and such. I've come to realize how much it was me and not them. I only hope to find a way to fix the problem before it becomes too late for my four children to have a 'normal' life and 'normal' mom.
If anyone has any ideas, help, or suggestions please feel free to help soon.
Jul 30, 2006 9:27 AM
ghulkman
:
Good Morning "Kat" ....
It takes tremendous COURAGE to actually admit
to us here you are suffering from a VERY SERIOUS
MENTAL DISORDER that not only is ruining your
life ..... but the lives of other's around you.
I have GREAT RESPECT for your dsire to WANT to
get better.
Please read my post on this discussion (It's the
#2 post to Christabel) ...... there is current
discussion on "High Functioning BPD's" going on
that will GREATLY benefit you !!!!!
Please "Click" on that link and welcome to the
discussion!!!!!
"Hulk"
Jul 31, 2006 7:44 PM
L. P.
:
Dear Katy,
It sounds like you are at a good place to find help and start making improvements in your life, that will benefit you and your loved ones.
One thing I would like to say, is that while we may not always be "normal", we can try to make improvements in our relationships and try to understand more.
I would think that maybe finding a professional to help you would be a good place to start. If you can find a therapist that can work with you and help you make the changes in your thinking, maybe give you some tools for how to deal with others, possibly provide medication of that is something that could help. Seems like that might be a good place to start.
I often wonder why I do not follow my own advice, I think I can relate to you when you say it is hard to speak openly about it.
However, the professionals that work with these disorders are not really surprised or shocked by it all and if it can be something that helps it might be a good place to start. Forget the stigma and just try to make your life the best you can make of it. Hope to hear from you again here.