Most people are taught early in life to hope for success and to strive for it. While some people embrace all the opportunities and challenges that come their way and thrive, others resist any chance of achievement. At the extreme end are individuals who are masochists. Such people usually display narcissistic behavioral traits and engage in self-sabotaging acts that result in frequent failure.
How does one spot a person who compulsively and pathologically refuses to strive to succeed in relationships, work or any other pursuits?
The Origins of Masochistic Disorders
An individual who suffers from prolonged bouts of masochistic, self-defeating behaviors likely had a childhood where they were led to feel unworthy of love. Divorce, parental conflict, abandonment or other interruptions in the flow of love towards the child can result in the child denying herself affection.
Of course, nature also plays a role. Masochistic disorders are one manifestation of sociopathology, a condition that is often inherited.
As the child grows up, he seeks to create his own interruptions in the path to success, whether in relationships or in a career. When failure is "achieved," the individual actually feels some measure of victory, as the pattern of defeat has been replicated.
Signs of Masochistic Disorders
Masochists often display the traces of narcissism found in sociopaths. They are self-focused on their own pasts and acts to the exclusion of others. Instead of utilizing this self-focus to strive for goals however, masochists turn inward in a negative sense.
Masochists act passive-aggressively. On the surface, they may seem to have plans, hopes and dreams, but beneath, they are plotting modes to undermine their endeavors. They can procrastinate, neglect important tasks, and are intentionally inefficient, inanely stubborn and deliberate saboteurs of their lives.
Terrified of intimacy or achievement because it implies responsibility and commitment to another person or a larger vision, masochists will alternate between drawing opportunities to themselves and rebuffing them or destroying them when they come too close.
They can also act like martyrs, whine or complain about missed chances and blame their lack of achievement on others. When those around them are in a state of discontented unease and their lives are constantly in a state of rupture, whether of bonds or opportunities, the masochist feels strangely satisfied.
Though their behavior may inevitably lead to depression, rage or addictions, masochists still relish the safe, easy, predictable patterns of self-defeat. Prolonged psychiatric treatment is necessary to attempt to enable the masochist to realize the cycles of control and suffering and to stop the life sabotage.
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