How Psychopaths Exploit Others

Modes of Sociopathic Deception and Manipulation

Jul 30, 2008

Psychopaths make up just 4% of the total U.S. population, but the damage and devastation they wreak is extreme and widespread.

Psychopaths, also known as sociopaths, comprise 20-25% of the prison population, but 50% of those who have committed serious crimes. However, the majority of psychopaths are not violent—most are users, scam artists and shady businesspeople. There is some evidence that psychopaths may be overrepresented in the fields of business, politics and entertainment.

Targeting the Vulnerable

Psychopaths are good at spotting exploitable vulnerabilities in others. Many psychopathic scam artists seek lonely individuals and promise them a lifetime of love and partnership. Others target the grief-stricken or those who have suffered a recent setback or breakup and are therefore less apt to look closely at what appears to be a compassionate helping hand. Alternatively, psychopaths may exploit someone’s need to be needed, finding a motherly or fatherly soul that they can milk for sympathy and cash. They are also inclined to marry people with low self-esteem and convince them that they are somehow to blame for any abuse they suffer in the marriage.

The Sympathy Ploy

Psychopaths usually play on the sympathies of others. When people’s empathic responses are aroused, they are less inclined to scrutinize an individual’s behaviour, or they will attribute bad behaviour to an abusive childhood or other trauma. This provokes the sort of nurturing response that enables the psychopath to manipulate and extract what he wants from others. In extreme cases, sympathy and deception are combined as a deadly lure. Serial killer Ted Bundy wore a cast and used crutches to make himself appear harmless and vulnerable to his victims.

While often appearing cold and deadpan, when they are trying to manipulate others, psychopaths often engage in dramatic, short-lived emotional displays designed to provoke sympathy or guilt, or even cause people to believe that they must be crazy for questioning the psychopath’s motives. Psychopaths say whatever will get people to give them what they want. Many work hard to give the impression that all of their problems stem from cruel treatment at the hands of others, and that they could change for the better if only some kindly soul would take an interest in them and support them. And because 24 out of every 25 people is not a psychopath, they find plenty of kindly souls willing to do so. They usually reward these people by breaking their hearts and cleaning out their bank accounts, as well as physically abusing them in some cases.

The Dynamic Persona

The psychopath can be an exciting companion at first because she takes risks that others wouldn’t take and thus can appear courageous and impressive. Psychopaths often pose as brilliant eccentrics, misunderstood geniuses or difficult artistic types, and so people are inclined to attribute bad behaviour to a creative temperament. Self-assured, cool under pressure and socially adept, they may appear larger than life. Their tendency to maintain intensive eye contact and move into the personal space of others enhances the image of forcefulness and confidence.

Because many psychopaths have a surplus of charm and the gift of gab, they are able to dazzle their audiences and con them into believing all sorts of outrageous stories. Excellent self-promoters and fast talkers, they boast and dazzle their targets with a variety of grandiose plans. The target usually experiences a wild ride and is left disappointed, financially poorer and wondering how everything the psychopath said could have seemed so plausible at the time.

The Flatterer

In The Miser, Moliere noted that “People can be induced to swallow anything, provided it is sufficiently seasoned with praise.” A common tool of the psychopath is excessive flattery. Most people enjoy receiving compliments, and those who suffer from either low self-esteem or an overinflated sense of self-worth can be particularly vulnerable to this sort of approach. Beware of those who tell you everything you want to hear all the time. A compliment or two is nice, but someone who continually peppers the conversation with flattery should be suspect.

Excuses and Empty Promises

A psychopath does not keep his commitments or obligations. He breaks his word, stands people up, abandons those who care about him at critical times in their lives, cheats with impunity, and makes promises he has no intention of delivering on to get what he wants. Psychopaths may disappear and reappear in the lives of friends and family, causing worry and heartbreak, without ever adequately explaining what they’ve been up to. However, they always have excuses, and it is always someone else’s fault.

Psychopaths abandon their spouses and children without the slightest concern. And while many don’t commit crimes for which they can be convicted, they often live what could be termed as a sub-criminal existence, engaging in a variety of secretive and shady dealings. When they do achieve success, it is usually through causing harm to others. Their lack of commitment to anything is evident in the many contradictory and hollow statements they make. However, they hang onto the people in their lives by promising to change, or even changing, briefly, only to revert back to their old ways in time.

I was raised by a sociopath. My mother can lie with such a coolness that it leaves chills down my spine. She has stolen from people, ripped ppl off from their hard earned money, and over-represents herself constantly. She has always lead me to believe that I am worthless and that I am the problem for all of the beatings, neglect, starvation, and abandonment. To this day she will NOT take responsibility for her bad behaviour. We haven't ever had a relationship in my entire life. She will NOT acknowledge my children as her grandchildren. She is a case study for sure!

Apr 1, 2009 12:05 PM

Guest :

to the child of the sociopathic mother. God bless you. You sound reasonable and well adjusted given what you have been through. You are not at fault and are a victim like so many others but it is worse when it is your parent who is the abuser. Forgive them; they can't help it and move on. They were born that way. I have read over 100 articles about psychopaths/sociopaths and have been involved with two romantically and had a psychopathic boss who caused extreme harm and pain for 12 years. I also realize now that I had two relatives who were psychopathic/sociopathic. Thank goodness I never married one and had children with them since it is genetic. Now that I know how to identify them, I'm better able to protect myself and others. For whatever reason, God put them on this earth at 4% of the total population to play a part in the evolution of the world and pro-creation. They are lethal but play a role in God's plan. Without the pain psychopaths cause, we would have fewer lessons to learn while on earth. I believe our past president "W" was a psychopath; he's destroyed the world economically and caused the loss of life of hundreds of thousands in the Iraq war. The destruction they wreak is catastrophic. Sorry that you suffered; you appear wiser because of it.

May 10, 2009 2:56 AM

Guest :

It's kind of scary that a lot of those traits could be me. How do you deal with it if you ARE one? I don't want to hurt people. I do my best to make the world a better place. I pick up hitch-hikers and change people's flat tires without taking anything that they offer me. I don't cheat on my girl. But it really does seem that I fit a lot of what was said. I've hurt people before, but I still to this day feel terrible about it, every day I breathe. What do you do to NOT become the monster it seems like it's telling you that you are destined to become?

May 16, 2009 4:27 PM

Guest :

Hey Lady,
God DID NOT put psycopaths on this earth! They were not born that way either, they know exactly what they are doing! Don't make excuses for them. That's bull you are spreading. How about these people whose conscience has been seared by the devil. These people have free choice just like you and I do. They are motivated by selfishness and greed. I am getting divorced from one now after 19 years of his emotional and mental abuse. Clinton ruined the economy and had a chance to destroy the terrorist but was not man enough to do it. W Bush was only in the White House a few months before we were attacked. Maybe you think he should not have done anything about it and we should have been sitting ducks and a laughing stock and done nithing. Don't insult our country and military with your words.

May 18, 2009 7:10 AM

Guest :

Wow 4 years ago I splint up with my ex and I met this man who proposed to me after 9months bought a big house told me it was paid for , I gave him 100,0000 for what I am not sure, Thought this part of my life would be good for me an my two childeren one who is in university. I did not have any debt going into this relationship. Now I find out that there is a mortgage and then a second as well, he has not had drivers liscence since 1998 or insurance and had bought 2 vehicles in my name that have been repo'd and since my name is on them they are calling me.....He works as a real estate consultant and has not brought any money in for a year so he says.... His mother gives him some.. We have a time share that I use to pay for but have stoppped and now they are after us.... He wrote a chq for 4800 and cashed it on an account my name is on.. they are after me.... Bought a cottage that is in my name Which I love but now cannot afford to pay for it....Borrowed money from someone who now has a lein on the house wich is thank god in HIS name.... He has never paid GST or income tax to the government..... My credit card bills are maxed ( I guess this could be my fault) He did a real estate deal with a friend of mine and took his money....after the deal did not go thru....and much more. We sleep in separate rooms now and he still tells me I look great and that I make him excited... I can not stand to be near him.
I am now having to sell the cottage that my kid and I love so much.,... and have to declare personal banckruptcy to support myself and my kids......There is so much more ... Is this a Phycopath? Thank God I did not marry him!!!!!

May 26, 2009 9:58 AM

Guest :

I just got out of a 2 month relationship with a psychopath. Everyone who knows him shallowly loves him, behind closed doors he is horrifying. I just pray he doesn't hurt the next person but with such a persona, he is like a predator praying on women. I feel kind of helpless because we know a lot of the same people and they see him as mr wonderful and I know the truth - the deceptions, the drugs, the alcohol abuse and the craziness. I'm giving this one to GOD because I can't deal with it anymore - it turned me upside down and I'm finally getting my life and myself back. I wish you all the best.

Jul 31, 2009 10:20 AM

Guest :

I too, fell in love, with a man who never even existed, an illusion. Caught in the web of deceit, as well as my friends & family, he duped us all. Sadly, I spent a few years giving him the benefit of the doubt, when in return, he took all the credit, and I got all the blame. I share a son with this man, I recently was able to leave, as we could not longer co-exist and now struggle with trying to co-parent, which at this point, is just another illusion. Complete devastation he leaves in his wake, if you are lucky enough to escape.

Aug 2, 2009 12:09 PM

Guest :

Guest
Although we parted 9 months ago I am only now realising the extent of his problem. I was aware of the verbal abuse once I was in the relationship and thought it was the alcohol. He stopped drinking for a while but the cold detachment to any emotional pain and the emotionless sex that was purely for his gratification, did ring alarm bells. The bizarre breakup with no conscience to my feelings peppered with cold indifference to emotions. Wow this article has made it all clear. He exploited all my financial generosisty and has just lost his job because he did the same to his generous Boss. The pathological lies have got worse and when I catch him out he shows no remorse. While still in the relationship there were times I was scared and felt bullied if I challenged his lies and on several occasions he got physically violent.
From professing his undying devoted love to me on the Monday he walked out on the Tuesday and straight into another relationship by the Wednesday. I've watched as he lies and cheats on her but I was swayed by his charm in the begining as probably is she. Plausible, charming compulsive lying con-artist. I am poorer but wiser. If anyone had tried to tell me this in the begining I wouldn't have believed them. It's been one long painful learning curve. Thank you for your article.

Aug 4, 2009 5:41 AM

Guest :

this so describes my step daughter, at least now I know that I'm not crazy, thank you, this helps.

Aug 7, 2009 3:40 AM

Guest :

I've experienced many sociopaths in my life; many have been successful and many poor. I've learned that the sociopath will lure anyone to get what they want, and a sociopath can be anyone. The genuine question is who hasn't been a sociopath? Every body all over the world tries to make a buck off someone else. Their is not one person in this world that has not learned to manipulate someone into giving them what they want, and it all began with parents and society! Some individuals are more aggressive the true psychopaths whom seeks shelter with society but prays on them for their own shelter only to disrupt someones life to gain. It is a thin line that some people cross but I believe that anyone has the ability to become psychopathic in the need of survival.

Sep 3, 2009 8:13 AM

Guest :

Sounds like my ex-friend, who lied about everything in her life, even created a fake wedding...crazy stuff.

Sep 10, 2009 1:12 AM

Guest :

Wow...He jokingly tried to warn me that other women have called him a sociopath but I laughed. After reading all of the articles and others comments... I absolutely see it. He has never held down a real job, he has every excuse in the world why he cannot go to a job interview that I arranged for him, and he somehow manages to get money out of me and everyone around him at will. Yes he is a cute and charming piece of work but he is also completely unreliable, and never available when it is his turn to return a favor... which makes him very ugly to me. Shallow? absolutely! Liar? You betcha! Self centered and only interested in self gratification? Yes it is all here. He is 42 and never had a real loving relationship... he has real issues about spending the night with a woman, and doesn't have a clue what love is. Thank you for sharing information. This is going to make it easier for me to disappear and accept that position with a company out of state. God bless all of you and stay away from charming liars that give too much attention.

Sep 11, 2009 11:28 PM

Guest :

I have been married for 11 years, to a woman I met at work. she had two sons , each by a different man (one her ex- husband, one a married man). She seemed very nice, a mom struggling to make ends meet, good worker, reliable. She had some bills (about $15,000) which I knew about before we were married, but she was a little vague on how she accrued her debt. I should have been paying more attention to the signals!After our marriage we had nothing but trouble with these two boys. My wife hid drug use from me and after a year of marriage quit her job with no intent to get another. It's been one out of control situation after another!What really bothered me is her callousness and when she knew I was in pain she would smile.Our arguements though not often are blowouts. She never owns up to anything (saying sorry) and I'm always the reason for the problems. Think there is a problem here?

Sep 21, 2009 7:45 AM

Guest :

I just got out a 9 month relationship. Within three months, she had cheated on me, I stupidly forgave her. I spent time in the hospital with her, quit drinking and smoking marijuana, moved her into a beautiful place, Bought and cooked the food, cleaned the dishes and laundry and house. Set up phone and internet, worked. All to finally have a day off in which she just "wasn't there". Mentally, or physically. She was cheating on me again. I told her all she had to do was stay faithful and I would pay her way through life. I offered her complete freedom and she spit in my face. Anger...she was angry. She would hit me and throw things at me. She tried to cut herself one day with some scissors. After she admitted to cheating in an around about way I cut off the money. She went from angry to entitled. She went from there is someone else to you made a promise and you have to pay my bills. After all of this nonsense she calmly asked if I would watch her cat until she found a suitable home for him. She was moving in with her father and he did not want the cat. In all this fighting and yelling and blame she was cheating on me from before we moved in. Within a two week period on a one year lease she was moving out. She damaged some things on the way out, as I gave her the benefit of the doubt one last time, and did not switch my shift to be there to help her move. This action was in bad taste.

A list of her traits.
Compulsive gambling, irritable, substance abuse, violent, lies, cheats, steals, inflated future plans, entitlement.

Tell me if I am wrong but, people with documented mental illnesses can not become mental health professionals.

She cheated on me with two people that I know of. Maybe more.
My shoulder stopped hurting. I realized it was because I wasn't opening doors for her anymore. She would stand there and wait. I am truly glad she is gone.

Oct 1, 2009 10:10 AM

Guest :

I just recently ended/got out of a relationship with a TRUE sociopath! I've just recently taken on the task of finding out more about the sociopath and the signs. I'm replaying all the lies (I just thought she was delusional), the empty promises, the grandiose planing (with real means to accomplish any of it), the exaggeration of any and every story/situation/job/past lover/family member, the absolute lack of any verifiable history and not friend the first! Hell, she got a FaceBook page and has not one High School friend/co-worker or family on her friends list. The only people in her list are friends of her Daughter (who has all the sociopath tendencies as well.......especially the Pathological lying!).
I finally got her out of my house but not without her stealing all my possessions!
As I play back the various scenarios in head and think of the "gut feeling" I had from first lie (and it was early into the relationship). I wonder what made me NOT follow that gut instinct? She was good at being the pathological lying, conning, conniving, deceitful, irresponsible, cold blooded, low down snake she had grown to become/perfect over her lifespan. I would say "years" but I have no idea how old she really was (not sure If the name she was using lately was her given name for that matter.)
Men be careful, there are just as many Female Psychopaths as Male and they perform/act in the EXACT same manner.

Oct 24, 2009 3:42 PM

Guest :

I have been trying to get away from a sociopath for 3 years now. We just had a baby and it is worse than ever, though he loves US dearly. Is that possible? Every time I have left he dies for MONTHS. He goes without entirely and gives the girls and I EVERYTHING....to the point of theft! He is a huge protective liar making me believe we have much more money coming in than we do because he 'does not want me to worry!' He cannot share his life because of all the drama and all the lies. He knows I would leave; he is scared to death of my leaving him. He lies about probation and restitution being paid off, though ha has paid in the hundreds of thousands. He`fakes freaking phone calls!!! He is a pathological liar to the definition, has just given me a typed list of his crimes (which I left him until he gave it up...it took a month of his tears for him to finally break down) and he says he feels a huge relief with it all off his chest though he has not mentioned a plan of making any of it RIGHT! He has a list of shady business dealings, many of which he was caught and has been paying fines, restitution, probation, community service, etc. A few he has NOT been caught and it is now on MY conscience. How the hell does one get AWAY from a psychopath???? He does not hear me when I tell him we are DONE! He is very ADDICTED to me but truly in his heart believes it is Love! He has been in and out of therapy for years, church, mens bible studies, mentors, daily accountability....all to lead to a dead end. HE has been kicked out of my home and forced to sign a lease on a TINY apartment. He refuses to put anything there except a mattress to sleep on. He is possessive and jealous, very insecure and cries all the time over his wrongs!!!! I need an expert!

Oct 26, 2009 2:30 AM

Guest :

A psychopath never cries, has no empathy
and couldn't give a dam except to manipulate for their own
self absorbed entertainment.
Sheer evil, their victims are "toys", yet they will convince you and others different. If there is blame it will never fall
on the psychopath as should.
Chaos and confusion, duping people is their entertainment.
The more you try to be a good friend to them, the more they will ensnare you deeper.
The man I worked with to had A nice smile and quite the conversationalist. (only to entrap)
Later on he asked for a favor, said his family was in a bind for a baby sitter due to a emergency and asked if I could help. I worked with this person, everyone knew where he lived I seen no reason not help out due to the circumstances.
Worst mistake in my life ! I got raped.
He made me feel so humiliated, that I felt it was all my fault.
That is what a psychopath does.
It didn't end there, they have a talent to make truth into lies and lies into truth with out blinking an eye,
they will intimidate, black mail, and threat, if that doesn't prevail for them then they will use violence.
It was as though I had no choice but to condone the situation he put me in, because he manipulated me into thinking that I was at fault.
Another time, I heard a commotion in my back yard and I went to look. There he was. I asked "what the hell's going on, and what are you doing here" He replied with out any emotion or concern and with a straight face " I don't know, but you better go and check your dog, I think there is something wrong with him"( as If he didn't know) While I ran outside, he helped himself to a cigarette and invited himself into my house.

My dearest pet, was lying there whimpering with obvious trauma (a shattered leg). The vet said it was fractured by a sharp kick)

Like I said, god help if you ever meet a psychopath, YOU will
need all the help you can get; They on the other hand are above it all (so they think)
BTW
Not to worry, Lilly my dearest pet got the best vet and treatment. Unfortunately, had to have a pin put into her leg,
but she regained full use of it, thank God.
Remember, the more you try to be a friend to them, the more they will ensnare you. That's their game.

19 Comments

How Psychopaths Exploit Others

Modes of Sociopathic Deception and Manipulation

Targeting the Vulnerable

The Sympathy Ploy

The Dynamic Persona

The Flatterer

Excuses and Empty Promises

Further Reading